iraqistan

12/4/2006

The Fun of Politics

Filed under: — lana @ 2:01 pm

There have been things going on in life as of late.

First, my car doesn’t work. Affectionately known as Sweet Ride, she started sputtering shortly before Thanksgiving. I parked her in the parking lot for the holiday weekend and wandered off to Scotland. Upon my return, she started up again, but my soldier and I upon listening to her thought it might be best to call the German who sold her to me and does all of her work because the Americans won’t touch my car (probably, I am finding, with good reason). I called. He said he was busy this week, bring it in next week. Oh, now that is helpful. I made do for the week, and then today started her up to take her downtown. She started. She sputtered. She refused to move. Then she died. Then she started again. She continued sputtering and refusing to move, then died again. My soldier tried. Same situation. The German, to whom I had a native German speaker make a mildly irate phone call, said he was moving tomorrow and couldn’t come look at it. The native German speaker, thankfully, has learned enough American custom to know when something is unacceptable, and I will see the mechanic sometime around lunch.

Second, I have realized that my car is not completely necessary, if only I were allowed to telecommute. It appears that Germans do not need to leave their house. Ever. They can have eggs delivered, in a previously mentioned oddly-decorated truck that looks vaguely like an ice cream truck only with grass painted on the sides. They can have sodas or water delivered. They can have their groceries shipped to their door. They can, of course, also have beer delivered. I fail to see why the roads are so crowded with cars every day, because I haven’t a clue why these people leave their houses. I also, therefore, am starting to wonder why I leave mine either, and am putting in for several connections of various types to be installed in my apartment. Then I don’t even need to find a way to tow my car ten kilometers to the German mechanic shop, which will probably still cost me about 100 euro. Since the dollar is doing so exceptionally well and couldn’t even pay for my sarcasm, that comes to around 135 dollars. For ten kilometers. About six miles.

So to take my mind off of things, I read the news. And then, of course, I laugh. Lately, it hasn’t even been my own country in which I find humor, but in the antics of others. In particular, I have a keen fondness for Iran that I liken to new dog owners when the puppy gets excited upon seeing his leash and lets a bit go on the floor. It’s so innocent, yet still rather dirty and messy and while it’s cute, it still will eventually need to be cleaned up later.

The Iranian president is a personal favorite, as more strange things come out of his mouth than the Ayatollah’s, or even the Ayatollah’s words combined with the statements of another close favorite in President (again) Chavez. What does not get blamed on the Great White Satan that is America and the west gets blamed on the Jews. Usually while he is wearing an American-made tailored suit. A grand statement made within the past two weeks tickled me so much I copied it, made it into large print, and printed it out, but my boss told me I could not frame it. It was various commentary which he made to the Iraqi president about how the United States is behind the violence in Iraq. Apparently, somehow, we think that it will absolve us of fighting the war if we then cause more violence among Sunni and Shi’a in the region. Because, after all, that makes sense. Right? Wait. I can puzzle this one out. We go to war. We topple the government. Our soldiers get killed trying to clean up the last remains of the insurgency. We run into problems. So… we start in-fighting to cause more violence and kill more people! Wait. Hold on. Nope, that isn’t it either. But no matter! Because of course, he follows this up with pointing out that there would not be any fighting if the Americans would go away, because naturally the Sunni and the Shi’a would never fight amongst themselves. This statement, of course, was backed up by the Ayatollah.

Now, I am not a Muslim. However, I have read a bit of history and studied the culture a bit, given my apparent draw to the region that really has me considering just getting an apartment in Baghdad. They are probably going for pretty cheap around now. Anyway, in my various studies I noted that once upon a time the prophet Mohammed died. He was a man, a prophet, and not Allah, so off he went. He did not, however, appoint a successor. After some squabbles, one man came into power over another possible choice, who bided his time, and then after more squabbling and some suspicious deaths the second choice found himself in power. The factions, at this point, were made, and further drawn as one said that imams could speak to Allah and one said this was not the case. Instead of sitting down and figuring it out, or just going to mosques that they believe in, they did what most major religions do when they have a family problem: they fight each other, usually to the death. I haven’t a clue why religions seem to do this, killing each other over faith when faith is the one thing that can’t be proven anyway, but it seems to happen fairly frequently as far as history is concerned. However, all of this happened in the late 600’s. I would like to further point out, Mr. President and Holy Ayatollah, that the Great Western Satan of America did not show up on the western maps until at the earliest the late 1400’s. Now, I’m an engineer, not a historian, but I would daresay that is about 800 years of piddling about and killing each other which had nothing to do with the Americans. And don’t go blaming it on the Jews, either, my friends, as despite being a favorite scapegoat fallback they at this point had been kicked out of just about everywhere on earth for the umpteenth time and didn’t have time to go messing around in Islamic politics.

Now, why do I feel the need to teach especially an Ayatollah about the history of his own people? I would think that I wouldn’t have to, and in fact I don’t because it gives me something to read in the news almost every day. It puts a smile on my face to watch them as they steadily dig holes around their credibility.

So the moral appears to be that while I wait upon my car getting fixed, at least I can sip a home-delivered beer and giggle as the Iranian government gets excited from time to time and piddles a little bit each time on world politics. At least I am not the one who has to clean up the mess…

2 Comments »

  1. Well, yeah…except that SOMEBODY is going to have to clean up that mess. And “SOMEBODY” usually translates into you and your colleagues, usually over the stern disapproval of everyone else (who will benefit mightily from the cleanup and not have to worry about what they’re stepping in). Unless, of course, you believe that the United Association of Kleptocrats…excuse me, the United Nations…is actually up to doing the job. Ahahahaheeheehahahaha…
    Sorry. They’re usually too busy stealing to be bothered. Grr.

    Comment by Dad — 12/5/2006 @ 3:26 am

  2. I love way you write (so matter of factly) I have friends here in the Pacific Navl Division of Victoira BC, and I could only imgaine that if they wrote a blog it would sound very similar to yours…

    thanks again for giving me something to read and tweaking my mind.

    ps I love my VW until she sputtered and dies 4 months ago.. she will be missed… what is it with locals who wont touch german cars? *sigh* Are they afraid cos it’s a REAL CAR with real car parts and not some new car that has a computer telling it how to run?? My mechanic couldnt answer that question…

    Comment by samantha — 12/8/2006 @ 3:26 pm

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