iraqistan

3/27/2005

Who Promoted Major Major?

Filed under: — lana @ 2:30 am

A fantastic chapter of the satire my life has become, my adventure continues…

I arrive at my old battalion, having been told that they fought hard for my return and that the new battalion was sorry to see me go, great work, godspeed, do great things and make at least some sort of small effort to stay out of trouble (this time). So I expect, when I return, either a “Thank goodness you are back… we had this empty chair here for weeks with no one to sit in it,” or perhaps (and more likely) “WHAT DID YOU DO?! YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE.”

What I got, instead, was, “Hmm… what are you doing here?” “Well, my old company told me you guys were pulling me back up here.” “Oh. Uh… let me go call the commander… how long are you here for?” “I was told for the rest of the tour; my bags should be (hahaha) en route in a few days.” “Interesting. Let me go call the captain…” Several minutes later wanders back with “Go call the first sergeant. He is a bit confused.”

What apparently happened in the interim was a phone call to the commander that went, “Well, she’s here, where are we sending her?” “What do you mean? What is she there for?” “She was told to come here.” “For how long?” “I think for the rest of the tour.” “Hmm… maybe the first sergeant knows something about this. Hold on.” (Pause… about a minute later another phone in the room rings and someone else answers to the unmistakable voice of an enraged senior NCO) “JUST WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?!” Captain returns to the phone. “Nope, I don’t think he knew…”

So I call up there and get a nice apology from my first sergeant that he’s sorry I got mixed up in all of this and don’t worry, sit tight, and someone will figure it all out. Apparently a few people at my battalion knew of my impending return, my thought is that the Sergeant Major had no honest belief that I was going to be returning anytime soon (his reaction? “Welcome back. Um… how long are you here for?”), and certainly no one bothered to call the company. My guess is that last night was a pretty funny night amongst my original company and the company I was attached to, not to mention the two battalions.

So I just kind of mill around, on no one’s books, doing my own thing… at some point someone will realize that I have no job and I’m still getting paid, therefore I am finally living the Army dream, and then they will try to get me to re-enlist…

1 Comment »

  1. This is obviously a fantasy. Firsts do NOT apologize to specs. What IS this army coming to? (Nods back off to sleep again…)

    Comment by Dad — 3/28/2005 @ 8:50 am

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